Thank you for raising this issue. I find this work has a challenge between what
is fate/destiny and what is a personal choice. When I facilitate, I am very
aware of the likelihoods of someone carrying the fate of a system, yet knowing
that Constellations is about acknowledging this to give it back to the
ancestors. The work is meant to help us come to clarity, understanding, higher
knowing of what is going on behind our blocks so we can decide which direction
to go in and not get entangled with our ancestors.
As an aside and kind of opposite to the participant you mention below but in
the same way of being disrespected for personal choice, I will share a personal
experience.
I had a Constellation facilitator who was male who felt there was some reason
why I didn’t want to have children, with an implication that there’s something
wrong with me or I’m blocked in breeding because of a family wound in the
ancestors. For me, I don’t feel like I’m lacking anything, in fact I feel
liberated to not have to have children and see it as an evolutionary act. Where
I feel the Constellations should have gone is in helping me honour and
acknowledge the pain and suffering of the women in my ancestral line who were
shamed, excluded and ridiculed for not having children, and that I am the one
in the family who is trying to bring strength and dignity and voice to
child-free women. This approach and bias turned me off the facilitator,
knowing he hadn’t really understood that the work is about bringing into the
circle those who have been excluded from the “pack mentality” of family
belonging, and to see the excluded ones as the messengers and ones who move the
system forward in compassion, truth and soul.
As a facilitator, I know I can’t serve certain communities, such as traditional
families, because I have my biases towards seeing people break out of confined
boxes. Anyone working with me knows I will help them challenge their
conditioning and assumptions rather than trying to help them fit in blindly. I
can make mistakes but try to keep an attitude of loving curiousity, and not
make blanket statements, more statements that can help a person understand why
they’ve been carrying this suffering forward in their lives.
Thank you for raising this important issue.
Heather
From: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]
Sent: Sunday, October 11, 2015 6:26 PM
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [ConstellationTalk] Questionable practices
Delicate matter
Hi folks. Normally if I hear of someone else’s constellation work, even if its
a different style, I will simply accept that everyone does it differently, and,
in the end, people are generally benefited.
But at a recent workshop, I had a very troubling experience.
A woman attended, who had recently been to another constellation workshop with
a well known facilitator. She had brought forward an issue about having
children. The facilitator had worked with her at the end of the day…done a very
short constellation, had thrown together a great many (possible) influences -
some family relatives, some events in the family, some social issues, some
historical cultural issues, and then - at the end of what the client reported
as a chaotic and messy process - declared to the client that she would never
have children, and she should just adjust her life to that fact.
Now, I wasnt there, so dont know exactly what happened. But the client
concerned is experienced in workshops, very well educated, and a stable kind of
a person. I doubt that she overly exaggerated the events. They left her quite
shaken, confused, and feeling disempowered. She also felt despairing about
having a child.
I did not do constellation work with her, but worked in a Gestalt fashion, in
as practical and grounded way as I could, including supporting her to make up
her own mind about having a child. She had not been able to conceive for a
while, so I suggested some fertility tests, which she had not done yet.
The previous practitioner's work left me somewhat concerned that the
constellation process may have been abused. I am wondering what others think?
Vinay
