Hello Everyone,
As Gabor Mate observed trauma is a continuum. Varying degrees of trauma is
present in most of us, clients and facilitators.
Regrettably blaming the client on any level is a major and widely present
practice in the system. To say that she does not want to heal enough is missing
and denying the obvious - she feels miserable and turns up for a session.
The biggest challenge in my practice is trying to be aware of the client's
reality before being aware of my own. Banging my chest about 200 years of
experience and qualifications only highlights my sense of insecurity about my
competence.
Barbara mentioned "You are right. I cannot help you. Say it clearly, kindly,
gently. Be sure you are comfortable with that statement, as she will read you."
I would say check within yourself first - do I really feel kindly and gentle or
does her resistance to my suggestions generates frustration, disappointment or
uncaring within me.
By the way feeling that there is really nothing that we can do is very
different from giving no advice and no suggestion. Acknowledging her truth that
no one could help her is not the same as saying I cannot help you. (Once again
"I cannot help you" can have a subtle implication: you are so difficult, so far
gone, I am ok but you are not etc.)
Being there fully with her is a powerful yet subtle doing - but it needs to be
authentic and genuine, clever faking will not do.
Best wishes,
Monika
On Friday, October 9, 2020, 12:17:24 PM GMT+11, Barbara
barbara@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx [ConstellationTalk] <constellationtalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
wrote:
It's okay to say, "You are right. I cannot help you." Say it clearly, kindly,
gently. Be sure you are comfortable with that statement, as she will read you.
If you want her to heal more than she wants to heal, nothing will work.
Making suggestions to such a one is hazardous at best. After you admit there is
nothing you can do, see what happens. She may actually have something in mind
to suggest to you.
Barbara
On 10/8/2020 6:54 PM, 'drmdressler@xxxxxxxxx' drmdressler@xxxxxxxxx
[ConstellationTalk] wrote:
Hi Elmar,
My guess is that she is right. Nothing worked for her and all suggestions
were useless. Some may consider that she in fact does have connection to
feelings - called anger, but clearly she does not feel understood. So maybe it
is time to just be with her without suggestions and advice. Not easy when we
feel compelled to do things to avoid feeling powerless.
Best wishes, Monika
On Friday, October 9, 2020, 09:52:47 AM GMT+11, Elmar Dornberger
elmar@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [ConstellationTalk]
<constellationtalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
I am wondering if anyone has worked with a highly traumatizes person.
The trauma stems from early childhood abuse by a narcissistic mother and an
absent father. This person has no connections to feelings and sensations. All
her reactions are either emotional flooding or anger. She has gone to a
massage therapist for 3 years and would feel exactly the same after every
treatment as before. She was her mother's slave, cooking, cleaning, caretaking,
etc. She had no friends and never developed a sense of herself. She is
successful in business working with numbers. What she wants is a family live.
Anything I suggest or do with her she rejects or claims she has done
(everything) before and nothing works.
I am not a beginner at this I am a Psychotherapist and a Constellation
Facilitator for over 20 years, and yet this is a new situation.
Yours,
Elmar
