Greetings from Arizona !
And yes, Angelika, I so agree...and allowing or even encouraging
spontaneous outbursts, while informative, in an overall sense, can also soon
lead
toward a slippery slope of unproductive and imprecise theatrics...which is
not our model.... both discretion and attunement are needed... In my
experience with systemically oriented trauma work.. with Peter Levine,
separately and together we have found, after nearly 50 years of practice that
less is definitely more and one is best to focus on essence...and I do
understand that while protocols for trauma are not identical with SCW they
often overlap, and Bert has acknowledged this on a number of occasions.
Best for 2015,
Anngwyn St. Just Ph.D.
_www.acst-international.com_ (http://www.acst-international.com)
http://anngwyn.wisrville.org ;
In a message dated 1/4/2015 6:41:20 P.M. US Mountain Standard Time,
ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx writes:
dear Leslie,
in my experience, Bert would not let a representative or client speak in
version one, and even two. Because reproaches or anger do not express a
feeling to which the other person can open up.of course, the tone of our voice
makes a big difference, too. Even number two, to me it still feels like an
accusation. As Marshall Rosenberg insists, we need to express our needs as
directly and simply as we can, to be heard by the other person.
From version 1, I help them to move directly to version 3, slow the time
down.
When someone in my group speaks in version 2, I also help them to express
their feelings in version 3,
where they tell the other person how much they needed them and still want
closeness with them or something like that. This has usually a melting
effect on both, because now the accused person can usually come out of their
own isolation.
and a happy new year to us all.
angelika
"You never saw me" version 2, turns into version 3: " I so needed you to
see me. I missed you so much. I felt so alone without you." The person who
hears that can usually resonate with that as their own experience. Then the
reps usually take over, and things fall into place.
The embrace and the tears are not far away, and a shared space and some
equality is established in the shared tears.
On Mon, Jan 5, 2015 at 10:11 AM, Leslie Nipps _lnipps@gmail.com_ (mailt
o:lnipps@xxxxxxxxx) [ConstellationTalk] <_ConstellationTalk@yahoogroups.com_
(mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx) > wrote:
I totally agree with you Robert, and again, with a caveat. I think as
facilitators we have an obligation to listen with discernment to
representatives
’ contributions, and to find a more useful way to channel the energy
coming into the room.
Just for example, if I let representatives really go, again, esp with new
folk, they can easily fall into saying to another representative: “Fuck you!
” And then, the other says Fuck You back, and then they’re fighting, and
the disorder is only deepened. But if I can help the representative say “You
never saw me. I was alone.” Then movement and healing can take place. The
first option feels good in a certain way, and is certainly correct, but it
doesn’t help anything; in fact, it harms. The second says the same thing,
only healingly, and actually feels better to the representative because it’s
truer, healing.
And, I suspect we’re mostly on the same page about these things. It’s all
in the nuances...
Peace, Leslie
The Rev. Leslie Nipps
NLP & Family Constellations Practititoner
“Trust as a Way of Life…”
_leslie@leslienipps.com_ (mailto:leslie@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)
On Jan 4, 2015, at 4:01 PM, Robert Grant _erebees@gmail.com_
(mailto:erebees@xxxxxxxxx) [ConstellationTalk]
<_ConstellationTalk@yahoogroups.com_
(mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx) > wrote:
Hello All again, although I though I have finished for the day. Yet I am
compelled to make an observation about “inexperienced representatives”. I
feel it is a very big call to dismiss any contribution in the field. “
Inexperienced representatives” ARE part of the field. It is our challenge to
sense and understand what they are saying, why and what is the driving force
behind their statements. It is our own entanglement that is the hardest to
deal with.
Best wishes to all,
Robert
On Mon, Jan 5, 2015 at 10:41 AM, Leslie Nipps _lnipps@gmail.com_
(mailto:lnipps@xxxxxxxxx) [ConstellationTalk]
<_ConstellationTalk@yahoogroups.com_
(mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx) > wrote:
Yes, I agree, and to muddy the water a little…;-)
Inexperienced representatives often want to contribute ideas that don’t
come from the Field but are their preconceived notions of how it should
unfold, or out of a desire to be “helpful.” I often find it necessary to
gently, kindly, but firmly interrupt these contributions because they only
deepen
the present state of the system’s disorder, and it takes even more energy
to move forward when we spend time in “helpful” ideas that don’t widen our
frame. Obviously, this needs to be done respectfully, but I do feel that
sometimes firmness and authority are really needed.
And, of course, there is the deeper discernment to tell the difference
between the two…
Peace, Leslie
The Rev. Leslie Nipps
NLP & Family Constellations Practititoner
“Trust as a Way of Life…”
_leslie@leslienipps.com_ (mailto:leslie@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)
On Jan 4, 2015, at 3:35 PM, Robert Grant _erebees@gmail.com_
(mailto:erebees@xxxxxxxxx) [ConstellationTalk]
<_ConstellationTalk@yahoogroups.com_
(mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx) > wrote:
Dear Friends,
“I felt that I had interrupted a process that I should have allowed out of
a concept about forgiveness as opposed to out of something that arose from
within the field.“
Yes, I feel very strongly that the above statement highlights perhaps one
of the greatest challenge in the evolution of the constellation method. All
too often I witness facilitators falling into the trap of “knowing better”
rather than allowing the field to guide them in constellation. And I mean
the whole field, all those present in the room, client and representative
in equal measure.
I find participating in peer practice groups very helpful where there is
openness to discuss our differing approaches and learn from one an other
without the distorting effects of ego, unawareness, financial imperatives and
facilitator authority.
Best wishes to all,
Robert
On Mon, Jan 5, 2015 at 9:01 AM, Alison Fornes _maitreya71@gmail.com_
(mailto:maitreya71@xxxxxxxxx) [ConstellationTalk]
<_ConstellationTalk@yahoogroups.com_ (mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)
wrote:
