I totally agree with you Robert, and again, with a caveat. I think as
facilitators we have an obligation to listen with discernment to
representatives’ contributions, and to find a more useful way to channel the
energy coming into the room.
Just for example, if I let representatives really go, again, esp with new folk,
they can easily fall into saying to another representative: “Fuck you!” And
then, the other says Fuck You back, and then they’re fighting, and the disorder
is only deepened. But if I can help the representative say “You never saw me. I
was alone.” Then movement and healing can take place. The first option feels
good in a certain way, and is certainly correct, but it doesn’t help anything;
in fact, it harms. The second says the same thing, only healingly, and actually
feels better to the representative because it’s truer, healing.
And, I suspect we’re mostly on the same page about these things. It’s all in
the nuances...
Peace, Leslie
The Rev. Leslie Nipps
NLP & Family Constellations Practititoner
“Trust as a Way of Life…”
leslie@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
On Jan 4, 2015, at 4:01 PM, Robert Grant erebees@xxxxxxxxx [ConstellationTalk]
<ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Hello All again, although I though I have finished for the day. Yet I am
compelled to make an observation about “inexperienced representatives”. I
feel it is a very big call to dismiss any contribution in the field.
“Inexperienced representatives” ARE part of the field. It is our challenge to
sense and understand what they are saying, why and what is the driving force
behind their statements. It is our own entanglement that is the hardest to
deal with.
Best wishes to all,
Robert
On Mon, Jan 5, 2015 at 10:41 AM, Leslie Nipps lnipps@xxxxxxxxx
[ConstellationTalk] <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Yes, I agree, and to muddy the water a little…;-)
Inexperienced representatives often want to contribute ideas that don’t come
from the Field but are their preconceived notions of how it should unfold, or
out of a desire to be “helpful.” I often find it necessary to gently, kindly,
but firmly interrupt these contributions because they only deepen the present
state of the system’s disorder, and it takes even more energy to move forward
when we spend time in “helpful” ideas that don’t widen our frame. Obviously,
this needs to be done respectfully, but I do feel that sometimes firmness and
authority are really needed.
And, of course, there is the deeper discernment to tell the difference
between the two…
Peace, Leslie
The Rev. Leslie Nipps
NLP & Family Constellations Practititoner
“Trust as a Way of Life…”
leslie@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
On Jan 4, 2015, at 3:35 PM, Robert Grant erebees@xxxxxxxxx
[ConstellationTalk] <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Dear Friends,
“I felt that I had interrupted a process that I should have allowed out of a
concept about forgiveness as opposed to out of something that arose from
within the field.“
Yes, I feel very strongly that the above statement highlights perhaps one of
the greatest challenge in the evolution of the constellation method. All too
often I witness facilitators falling into the trap of “knowing better”
rather than allowing the field to guide them in constellation. And I mean
the whole field, all those present in the room, client and representative in
equal measure.
I find participating in peer practice groups very helpful where there is
openness to discuss our differing approaches and learn from one an other
without the distorting effects of ego, unawareness, financial imperatives
and facilitator authority.
Best wishes to all,
Robert
On Mon, Jan 5, 2015 at 9:01 AM, Alison Fornes maitreya71@xxxxxxxxx
[ConstellationTalk] <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
In a Constellation not long ago that I facilitated, the representative for
the client's brother suddenly felt a rising up and said either, "I'm sorry"
or "forgive me". I did my facilitator thing and interrupted him. While I
don't recall the specifics of what happened next, and the constellation was
rich and powerful and healing, what stayed with me were questions about why
I interrupted him.
When I processed with the client afterwards and we spoke about that moment,
she said that she felt a great surge of emotion, for this was the he first
time she had heard anything that suggested a recognition of the pain he
caused her. I felt that I had interrupted a process that I should have
allowed out of a concept about forgiveness as opposed to out of something
that arose from within the field.
I certainly resonate with these posts and the need to be truly present for
seeing, feeling and honoring the pain that is present. But isn't there also
a space for deep sorrow, regret?
As I write, I notice my own answer emerges. Seeing the constant rise and
fall different aspects, no end point. "I am sorry", "forgive me", just
another arising in the healing movement. If we as facilitators can hold each
arising moment while still being open to what's next, as opposed to
constricting as I did in that moment, perhaps that is what allows something
truly new to emerge, even for me as a facilitator.
Grateful for this forum to help process it.
With a Sunny Heart,
Alison
