When one chooses to forgive, there must already have been a judgment by the
forgiver that the person had done a 'wrong' to them. This is where the
difficulty arises.
As we judge a wrong, we may or may not have the full picture. Sometimes a
'wrong' done to us turns out to be a greater gift than we could have imagined.
Judgments made and forgiveness given are often dynamics that have a tendency to
cause us to stop at that place. It is as though we narrow picture only to see
those things.
If we step back and look to the whole picture or more of it, as we do in
constellations, we find that the initial judgment-forgiveness dynamic has not
served to open the vision but to keep it contained. If anyone forgives, then in
constellations they must also own their judgment. Forgiveness can become a
statement of innocence that is untrue. First, there is judgment. That is the
first step in saying, I am much bigger than you.
I should like to write more about how we learn and open our own fields in the
constellation work we do, so that judgment does not affect us in our insights
into any situation. We, hopefully, are not held in the vision of judgement that
requires us to feel bigger than and forgive, but we see from a place where all
things in life are things for which we can have gratitude and for which we know
there is always a bigger systemic issue that is in love, asking to be seen.
Love, Anni
