Thanks for this summary, Dan. Very useful. And your description of the Sulha
reminds me of the modern Restorative Justice movement here in the United
States, and of course the South African Reconciliation Process. All three
recognize that remorse/forgiveness is a manifestation of systemic realities
(that is, affects the whole community), and is not just an exchange between two
people or parties. I think that’s the tricky territory we can run into when a
representative feels the urge to forgive another in a constellation. Complex!
;-)
The Rev. Leslie Nipps
NLP & Family Constellations Practititoner
“Trust as a Way of Life…”
leslie@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
On Jan 15, 2015, at 8:24 PM, 'Dan Booth Cohen, PhD' danboothcohen@xxxxxxxxx
[ConstellationTalk] <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Alison –
Thanks for raising such interesting questions. Thanks to our CT community for
such interesting responses!
Using the model of three dimensions of consciousness –
personal/ancestral/spiritual or drop/wave/ocean – to understand forgiveness
reveals important distinctions that can help facilitators navigate through
challenging Constellations.
On the third dimension, forgiveness is meaningless. This is the dimension of
consciousness that is beyond human scale. The dualities and polarities of
human relationships are all absorbed into the vast network of timeless
consciousness.
On the second dimension, forgiveness has its place as illustrated by Alison’s
original examples. In both, the dead are receiving the remorse of the living
and offering forgiveness in return. As Albrecht Mahr explained, “As soon as
the dead are remembered and their fates acknowledged, they are able to
withdraw and become guardians of the living, bestowing their blessing and
benevolence on them. In this way, even after decades, the living and the
dead can help to heal each other.”
On the first dimension, Hellinger’s caution against the living offering
forgiveness to each other is operative. Still, there are situations where
forgiveness is an effective instrument for restoring the balance in
relationships between individuals and families that have harmed each other.
The traditional Palestinian peacemaking process known as Sulha is used to
interrupt blood feuds that might otherwise escalate indefinitely. It has its
roots in early Semitic writings, Christian scriptures, and Islamic Arab
literature. Sulha is a community-based forgiveness process that involves not
only the offender and victim, but their immediate and extended families, a
council of trusted elders, and members of the community-at-large. It
integrates words and deeds. Sulha begins when a traumatic event, such as
murder, occurs in the community. The Sulha is led by a group of respected
elders each of whom is viewed as wise, fair, honest, and trustworthy. The
elders control the process, which sometimes takes months to achieve a full
resolution. Forgiveness within the context of the Sulha requires that the
offender publicly acknowledges their guilt, expresses remorse, and offers
meaningful (even if sometimes symbolic) restitution. The grandparents,
parents, and children in the affected families come together for an elaborate
public ceremony. In front of the community, the victim’s family accepts the
offer of reconciliation and swears not to seek revenge. The ceremony ends
with speeches, prayers, handshakes, and a shared meal.
In modern cultures, forgiveness cannot be achieved with a simple apology and
its acceptance. When the acts that caused harm are irreversible, the pathway
to forgiveness places special demands on both sides. For the perpetrators,
or their descendants, forgiveness requires acknowledging guilt, expressing
sincere remorse, and offering a reasonable restitution. For the victims and
their descendants, forgiveness is an act of deep compassion and humility that
restores the sweetness of life to the living. Forgiveness leaves the guilt
with the perpetrator and frees the victims from the desire for vengeance. It
comes when perpetrators, victims, and their descendants include each other as
full members of the human community. The fate of all individuals involved
are accepted and respected. Such forgiveness is never complete in life.
Dan
Dan Booth Cohen, PhD
Free Monthly Consciousness Call
Immersion Program: See with Your Heart. Live Your Purpose. Love Your Life
www.HiddenSolution.com
781-718-7158
From: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx] ;
Sent: Saturday, January 03, 2015 10:28 PM
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [ConstellationTalk] Forgiveness in Constellations
Hello Community,
Am wondering about "forgiveness" and how people experience it in
Constellations.
I am aware that there is a particular understanding from Hellinger regarding
forgiveness as it relates to Orders of Love and Balancing Giving and Taking.
However, I have also heard Constellation facilitators say "we don't forgive".
Again, I'm sure there was a particular context, but I would love some clarity
from people on the list.
It comes up for me because I recently heard two ancestral healing stories
that were guided by shamanic principles within an indigenous context in which
forgiveness played a significant role. In one case, it was a white Australian
who worked with an aboriginal healer. Through visions, she saw their European
ancestors, and a line of Aboriginal women and she experienced a tremendous
grief and sorrow and asked for forgiveness. She experienced her apology being
received and a profound sense of love. In another experience, an American
Vietnam Vet who felt "haunted" by a boy he killed had an experience of
working through visions and asking forgiveness of the boy. The boy accepted,
and again, a great flow of love was experienced.
How does this view of forgiveness fit with Hellinger's insights?
It is the courageous heart that loves. It is the loving heart that heals.
alisonfornes.com
