Another aspect that Bert pointed out is that the offending/perpetrating
person has no right to ask for forgiveness, because this comes from the
offender's need to feel better.
On that level, what matters is that the offended/harmed person can witness
the offenders/perpetrator's deep grief, which must be genuine. It is not
the words, but the feeling that counts. Asking for forgiveness can mean
being deeply sorry. What matters is that the perpetrator/victim connection
can eventually be more balanced, which in serious situation can take a long
time. Only then can there be acceptance of what happened, ideally for both
sides, and there, ideally coming from the victim first. The victim can do
that unilaterally.
Angelika
On Sun, Jan 4, 2015 at 1:27 PM, Alison Fornes maitreya71@xxxxxxxxx
[ConstellationTalk] <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Hello Community,
Am wondering about "forgiveness" and how people experience it in
Constellations.
I am aware that there is a particular understanding from Hellinger
regarding forgiveness as it relates to Orders of Love and Balancing Giving
and Taking. However, I have also heard Constellation facilitators say "we
don't forgive". Again, I'm sure there was a particular context, but I would
love some clarity from people on the list.
It comes up for me because I recently heard two ancestral healing stories
that were guided by shamanic principles within an indigenous context in
which forgiveness played a significant role. In one case, it was a white
Australian who worked with an aboriginal healer. Through visions, she saw
their European ancestors, and a line of Aboriginal women and she
experienced a tremendous grief and sorrow and asked for forgiveness. She
experienced her apology being received and a profound sense of love. In
another experience, an American Vietnam Vet who felt "haunted" by a boy he
killed had an experience of working through visions and asking forgiveness
of the boy. The boy accepted, and again, a great flow of love was
experienced.
How does this view of forgiveness fit with Hellinger's insights?
*It is the courageous heart that loves. It is the loving heart that
heals.alisonfornes.com <http://alisonfornes.com>*
