Dear Robert, Just because some thing, thought, or idea is old, and indeed much
more has been learned about the human condition, doesn’t mean that because I
use an archaic term, that indeed in Freud’s own words was a defense mechanism,
does not mean that I am stuck in an ancient philosophy, nor does it mean that I
am judging my client—nor am I wrong to suggest that my client is defended. I
could also use different terms to describe by suggesting that he has very
little frontal lobe activity (verified over ten years by licensed professionals
at the University of Michigan Medical Center), and also that he has almost no
memory of almost anything—even that which happened last week and/or 40 years
ago. He has created for himself such a viable Personna has rarely been
challenged. He holds a professional degree because he has extremely profound
short term visual memory and can ace most exams and yet has little recall of
what he wrote the following day.
In recent weeks I for some reason decided to try something. I asked him to
cover his eyes and to refrain from using the verb “see” in any of its tenses.
What happened was miraculous—his memory improved exponentially. So whereas I
did indeed use the term “defended” (perhaps erroneously), I am never stuck with
any particular modality. My only desire in my practice is to assist trauma
survivors, whether their trauma is their own or the trauma of their
ancestors—and to teach others how to heal their clients to the best of their
own abilities. I expect in all fairness to Sigmund and to my client I could
change the very tense to my client has been so defended he’s…! Perhaps that is
more palatable.
The whole reason I started this thread was to get feedback on whether or not to
allow my client to bring up his dilemma with his daughter at my Trauma
Constellations Workshop this Saturday and not to encourage a debate about what
his issues really are. But a challenge is always fine with me as learning for
me is exciting. Your challenge allowed me to look at my client through many
lenses and that is never wrong to do. So I thank you for your feedback.
And to clarify me and who I am, I have very strong opinions about all kinds of
things—but my opinions are easily changed when I learn something that shows me
my previously held opinion needs to be corrected. For example, in elementary
school I learned that this was a linear world—but alas I had to change that
opinion when quantum physics was introduced.
Thanks for your input—it always helps everyone to have a mirror—even one that’s
potentially clouded.
Best wishes, Liz
On Jun 8, 2017, at 8:25 PM, Robert Grant erebees@xxxxxxxxx
[ConstellationTalk] <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Dear Liz,
Thank you for your very prompt reply and engagement. To clarify things my
only interest is awareness, I am not interested in judgements per se. Freud
is my hero yet things developed further in the past 100 years. I have no
doubt that in fact you are assisting your client with the best of intentions
and clearly he does trust you to share his feelings so deeply. Subtleties
however do fascinate me to the extent they contribute to awareness. "Too
defended" does make me feel uneasy because of its implications. It is not so
much finding fault but inviting exploration and investigation that I find
useful. I do understand that my communication can be seen as confronting from
time to time, however I do have a measure of trust in the integrity and
strength of out community here to face the music and keep on learning.
Best wishes to you and to all,
Robert
On Fri, Jun 9, 2017 at 9:55 AM, Dr Liz Jelinek lizjelinek@xxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:lizjelinek@xxxxxxxxxxx> [ConstellationTalk]
<ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>> wrote:
Well I can only guess that you are from a school that is anti-Freudian but
isn't your comment to me just ever so judgmental since you appear to be
critical of my use of the word defended.
This is a man who is highly defended if you were originally trained in
Freudian analytic psychology as I was. But if you read through this entire
thread carefully you will see that I've also suggested that he's split off in
the way described by Franz Rupert. Furthermore as someone so aptly pointed
out this is a man who's highly dissociated.
So if you find fault with my choice of words then feel free to judge me. But
this same highly defended man trusts me sufficiently due to much hard word
and building of trust to share with me the unthinkable to say nothing of the
unmentionable --that he has feelings of lust for his grown daughter. So if I
am judging him I'm so sorry. It was my believe that I'm assisting him to heal
his transgenerational wounds from not just his own early life but the trauma
he carries of the ancestors.
Liz Jelinek, PhD
On Jun 8, 2017, at 7:40 PM, Robert Grant erebees@xxxxxxxxx
<mailto:erebees@xxxxxxxxx> [ConstellationTalk]
<ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>> wrote:
Hello All,
Just a subtle point I find hard to resist making. "client has been too
defended to participate" somehow makes me feel uneasy. Is there a subtle
implication of blame or guilt? People often feel unsafe for many very good
reasons, too defended feels judgemental. Please correct me if I am mistaken.
Best wishes,
Robert
On Fri, Jun 9, 2017 at 1:44 AM, Dr Liz Jelinek lizjelinek@xxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:lizjelinek@xxxxxxxxxxx> [ConstellationTalk]
<ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>> wrote:
Interesting thx. This is especially relevant because I've been convinced
from the earliest meeting with this man that his father, a college professor
at a major university, was gay and that the wife/mother was his cover. It's
never come up in a constellation as my client has been too defended to
participate.
Interesting. Thx
Liz Jelinek, PhD
