Dear Barbara, this message from you really seemed to fit for my client. So,
yesterday with a large group of mostly newcomers I felt this was a good place
to go with the client we discussed in this forum, and to leave the issue of his
feelings towards his daughter for individual for now.
His “perfect” parent have been such a hindrance to forward movement , so I
wanted to use this as good learning tool for the new people and hoped it would
be a significant healing for my client.
I set up representatives for mom and dad and had them seated across from the
representative for the man who was standing. The client could see the whole
field from his seat next to mine.
I approached the rep for the man, a very young first time attendee, and
whispered to him to yell as loud as he could to the two seated representatives,
“I hate you both,” as loud as he could.
This young man must have studied Shakespeare in GB in a former life as his
voice was magnificent—loud and clear.I thoght my client would fall off the
chair but the client’s wife across the room quietly gave me the thumbs up (35
years of marriage to a man with PERFECT parents). I walked to the man, took his
hand and placed him in the circle in front of his rep. I asked the rep to put
his hands on the man’s shoulders and to yell the same thing again. The man’s
face began to soften and the shock began to dissipate.
The rep was very tall and young, the client very small and older. The irony was
deliberate. He left the room and took a woak, and when he returned he was
different.
I encourage clients to not talk about a constellation for a day or three. So I
don’t know the impact or if it healed anything for him. But his face was very
different.
Barbara, this was not exactly what you suggested, but it was such a good hint
into assisting this man to reconcile the burdens that he carries and perhaps a
step to give the burdens back to the ancestors to whom they belong.
Maybe he will be able to give up having to be PERFECT—just like dear old mom
and dad.
Liz Jelinek, PhD
On Jun 8, 2017, at 11:42 AM, Barbara Morgan theknowingfield@xxxxxxxxx
[ConstellationTalk] <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
No but I do remember him saying he preferred 'sinners'!! He was talking to a
young woman and saying; "You're a little too nice for me." Then he suggested
she stand at the edge of the stage and yell: I hate you ly neat the audience.
She said she felt great afterwards!!
Best wishes
Barbara
Sent from my iPhone
On 8 Jun 2017, at 13:16, 'Eimear O'Neill' eimear@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:eimear@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> [ConstellationTalk]
<ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>> wrote:
I don't suppose Hellinger used that good Irish saying "No good deed goes
unpunished!" Irony aside, self-sacrificing mothers can demand/command
loyalty in family systems that covers up their own transgenerational traumas
passed on to the next generation... especially if the mother (or father) has
put aside their own health, well-being, healing, leaving a relationship and
dealing with composting their own muck, "for the children's sake". Unspoken
resentment, inappropriate expectations and projections, rigid moral
imperatives about sexuality backed by divine right,.. you can all imagine
the list of more obvious 'punishments'.
In this particular case, I'd be interested in at least leaving space for the
transgenerational trauma on both sides.. From an earlier extensive and
well-respected national survey here in Canada (Badgley Report) it's one in
two of girls under 14 who have had some exposure to the continuum of sexual
abuse (almost all of it by men) and one in three of boys (almost all by
men)... That number appears to have dropped by the 2014 Community Health
Survey.. however that smaller survey left out indigenous populations where
the rate of sexual abuse for girls is 8 out of 10, 6 out of 10 for boys.
One conclusion is that most 'saints' would have had exposure to early
childhood sexual abuse, however that was handled. These numbers also
underline the critical importance of dealing with men's sexual responses and
traumatic re-enactments in relation to children, transgenerationaly. Bruce's
post reveals how systemic constellations work can contribute in that.
Warmly
Eimear
Eimear O'Neill PhD
www.eimearoneill.com <http://www.eimearoneill.com/>
‘If we surrendered/ to earth’s intelligence, we could rise up rooted, like
trees."Rainer Maria Rilke:
On 8 June 2017 at 00:48, Anngwyn anngwyn@xxxxxxx <mailto:anngwyn@xxxxxxx>
[ConstellationTalk] <ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
<mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>> wrote:
Greetings from Budapest,
Years ago I seem to remember Hellinger saying something
interesting and important about parents who are regarded as "saints" but I
cannot remember what that was. Does anyone have that information ?
Warm Regards
Anngwyn St. Just Ph.D
www.acst-international.com <http://www.acst-international.com/>
http://anngwyn.wisrville.org ;<http://anngwyn.wisrville.org/>
