Interesting topic Steve. Shame and guilt are powerful emotions with deep and
often hidden roots
When you say “a confrontative type of approach” I wonder to what purpose?
Most people have defensives to protect their vulnerable and often regressed
parts from being shamed
or feeling the shame and guilt those parts carry, perhaps even out of loyalty
to another.
Breaking down the defenses forcefully could re-traumatize the person rather
than reassure and resource
the wounded part so it can see, feel, acknowledge and release the old weight of
shame.
The first rule I believe, “is do no harm” There may be exceptions but
if the person is ready to do the work then we work with them; If not then its
up to the person to make that leap of faith.
Best
Harrison Snow
Sent from Mail<https://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=550986> for Windows 10
From: Steve Vinay Gunther spirited@xxxxxxxxxxxx
[ConstellationTalk]<mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Monday, March 14, 2016 10:58 AM
To: ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx<mailto:ConstellationTalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Subject: [ConstellationTalk] Shame
Hey folks
I wanted to raise a professional issue.
There are many different styles of constellation facilitation. From one point
of view, they are all welcome.
At the same time, I wonder how people feel about facilitation which utilises
shame.
Especially in the 60’s and 70’s, many forms of therapy used a confrontative
type of approach to get people to some core truths, and jolt them out of their
less functional patterns of communication.
In this century, a lot of therapies have moved towards a more ‘relational’
approach, which often is informed by current understanding of the effect of
shame, and the importance of understanding this in a therapeutic or teaching
type of interaction.
However, there are constellation facilitators who are not therapists, and
perhaps do not see Constellation work as necessarily needing to reference
therapy theory or practices. And constellation facilitators from different
cultures have different views on how to move people through their process; some
cultural styles may be more ‘robust’.
This is not just an abstract question. There are examples where facilitators
use confrontative encounters in a constellation context.
I am interested in how others see this, and to what degree there may be
culturally based views operating in our underlying assumptions about matters
such as this. For those who dont see constellations as necessarily having to
reference the world of psychotherapy, then what are the views about the use of
shame.
I reflect on these things, as most of my constellation work is done in Asian
cultures. On the one hand there is a particular kind of sensitivity to shame.
But in other ways, attitudes differ from the west regarding teaching, as
Confucian style approaches are traditionally more vertical. At the same time,
my understanding of shame is that it is a universally experienced social
emotion, which is not generally helpful in learning contexts.
Vinay
